Hurry Up and Have a Baby
“You’re running out of time.”
“Your ovarian reserve is low”
“You really should be pregnant by now ”
“It’s getting late to have a baby.”
Not a day goes by – and they go by quickly when you’re a busy lady – without being warned. We’ve been taught to believe there’s a time bomb attached to our fertility. And when that clock winds down, bang goes the chance at motherhood. For many daughters of the feminist movement, it’s become a reality, with one in five women remaining childless. Some of us may have chosen this child-free route; some of us struggled unsuccessfully – to use a goal-orientated word – to conceive and for others it was simply a case of ‘oops-forgot-to-have-a-baby’. But did the warnings about time running out really make a difference?
Does it ever help telling a slow person to hurry up?
We’re busy women. There are never enough hours in the day to catch up; as there aren’t enough years in a life to accomplish everything. Most of us followed the instructions. We got an education and a career (not just a job) and didn’t settle down to have babies too soon. But then suddenly it’s all about the eggs. Get pregnant right now before it’s too late. Because it’s always later than you think.
We’re stressed enough as it is just trying to get out of the house in time for whatever we’re late for, never mind rushing to find a man to have a baby with or spare time in the chocablock day for marital sex. Are you kidding me?
It really pees me off how the goal orientated, youth-obsessed, time limited, high-pressured establishment is still dominating this intimate sphere of femininity. Our vaginas, ovaries and wombs are being controlled by a system based on linear thinking. Our highly intuitive, sensitive, creative centres are being prodded with sharp objects and peered into with bright machines. The fertile soil of female reproduction is being farmed by multinational corporations when it would do much better being supported gently by a local, organic farmer. Or perhaps a nice little witch with a bag full of herbs and a good old-fashioned fertility ritual.
Our bodies don’t work on this success driven clock that fits in board meetings alongside lunch. The delicate balance of hormones needed for our bodies to pro-create is off-whack due to our toxic environment. Our womb ecology is upset. We’re not in sync with the cycles of the moon and OUR time of the month. We’d like to hear words like, “Take your time,” but are told instead that time is something we don’t have when it comes to making a baby.
Two examples of this craziness:
A healthy 39 year-old client of mine goes to an endocrinologist for a check-up. What she doesn’t realise is that she made an appointment at a fertility clinic. The endocrinologist examines her and says;
“You may look young on the outside but I don’t see a lot of eggs in your ovaries.”
To give him the benefit of doubt, the endocrinologist may not have said this to scare her into booking a treatment. That would be cynical. But I wouldn’t mind being a fly on his wall because I reckon he often uses that phrase on the attractive, solvent women walking into his busy New York clinic. These words and this approach to health (based on giving pharmaceuticals to suppress symptoms, rather than examining the root cause) completely undermine a woman’s confidence in her own body. It’s so disempowering using a machine to go ‘Here’s the proof, you’ve got no choice and definitely no time to waste’. (Just a short aside: A scan can merely show the number of follicles present at a given point in time. To test egg reserve a hormone sample is needed but these results can also fluctuate and don’t say anything about the quality of the eggs.)
A healthy 40 year-old friend goes to her gynaecologist telling her she just got married and would like to start trying for a baby. The ‘expert’s’ answer:
“If you’re not pregnant within three months we’ll put you on fertility drugs.”
Excuse me? It takes the average couple eight months to get pregnant and you’re giving her only three? (short aside: My friend went on to conceive two children in her early forties without taking fertility drugs).
What can we do?
We can make a conscious effort to slow down, despite our speeded-up, manic world. Choose to breathe deeply and relish the small things. Take time to enjoy these small things regularly throughout the day. Detox, disconnect electronically and get reconnected with nature and Source. This way we can restore some balance. Our womb wisdom has been dumbed down for over 2000 years but it’s time to nurture our relationship to this incredible power centre. Let’s bring the power back into our own bodies and trust in our abundant fertility. We are capable, after all, of growing another human being within our amazing, miraculous bodies.
This was first published in The Huffington Post